AWKWARD

I was not one of the cool kids at school. I wore mildly unfashionable clothes, read too much and said too little. Popularity wise, I existed in a weird bubble all my own, flitting between the band dorks, the Christians, the athletes, and one or two popular girls. This may be because I was one of the most ridiculously awkward people I knew, perhaps second only in epic awkwardness to the guy with whom I was voted “Tallest” in my senior class. Luckily, however, through the magical power of the blahgosphere, I have found someone whose awkward exploits are just as cringe-inducing and much better written. That person is Justin, whose blog Awkward Things I Say to Girls has left me speechless with thrilling and inspired nuggets like “You Have Really Good Proportions” and “I’d Like More of You in My Lifestyle” and most especially, the classic “Why Geeks Make Good Lovers.” This last is a wickedly logical point by point version of the one I embarrassingly, but determindly, tried to impress upon a group of eighth grade girls during a project presentation in high school. Sadly, my zealous argument that Geeks Are Hot was completely derailed by my partner, the Acknowledged Cute, Mysterious Yet Athletic Guy of my year. Everytime I attempted to guide these girls towards the truth about the untapped potential of geek love, he would smile shyly and winningly and I knew they were a Lost Cause to the irresistible scent of Eau du Jocque. Sigh.

Lists!

I like lists. I make a lot of them. Usually I never actually get to crossing things off of the list, because the best part is just writing things down in columns. I could care less if I actually accomplish anything, and I'm always finding half-finished lists lying around. ANYWAY this list was going to be a guide to "A Random Selection of Interesting Sites I Found While Bored on the Internet" but then I was reminded that I promised Colin a list of new music he might enjoy. He has a problem with wormholes and lives physically in the present day but makes frequent trips to the mid-eighties and the late nineties. While this is not a bad thing, and is especially useful for Halloween and theme parties, Def Leppard could use a rest on his iTunes. So I will attempt to pull his musical taste, at least, into the late 00's. (oughts? oo's? did anyone figure that out yet?) Below is the list of bands organized loosely by category. Unfortunately I did not have time make handy reference Venn diagrams, so you are going to have to imagine the overlapping categories yourself.


3 Word Name Bands
Usually all dudes. A marked tendency towards rocking.
Dirty Pretty Things
Cold War Kids
We Are Scientists
Les Savy Fav
Broken Social Scene
Neutral Milk Hotel
New York Dolls
Rock Kills Kid


Tousle-Haired Singer Songwriters
Frequently found in coffeehouses. Like to sing pretty songs on acoustic guitars about their feelings. Mostly harmless, but may make you cry.
Willy Mason
Andrew Bird
Sparrow House
Ryan Adams
The Shivers


Our Neighbors to the North
O, Canada! Why must your bands always be so large? Are you trying to make up for something?
Arcade Fire
New Pornographers
Malajube (bonus: Quebecois!)
Broken Social Scene


Drainpipe
Refers to the skinny jeans members of the band are usually wearing. Since they are mostly European, it works on them. Most communicate ironically and through electronic bleeps.
Dirty Pretty Things
LCD Soundsystem
Maximo Park
Klaxons (but only “Golden Skans”)
The Maccabees
The Subways
Los Campesinos
Of Montreal
Phoenix
Postal Service
Beirut
The Rosebuds


The Outcasts
The other categories kicked them out, so they got their own.
Sleater-Kinney (“The Woods”)
Midlake
Spoon
Calexico
The Format
Guster
Oh No! Oh My!
The Bens
Erasure (“Stop!” Warning - Eighties playlist only!)

Robot Pigeons

Just saw this article in Londonist about Chinese scientists and their remote-controlled pigeons. Realized that those same Chinese scientists submitted a manuscript about the same topic in early January and it came across my desk. At the time I thought it was completely ridiculous and possibly one of those crazy people manuscripts we occasionally get but then I watched the short movies that accompanied the paper. Utterly insane and scary at the same time. You could see the scientists operating remotes and making the birds fly along a predetermined path in a large room. The birds were definitely the most freaky looking things ever. Imagine a pigeon, staring in that stupid sort of way they do, but now with part of the top of their head cut off and (apparently) exposing a tiny brain which had a small electrode helment sort of strapped on, blinking with different colored lights. (The illustration is much more sanitized than it really was. The brain was sticking pretty far out.) My first reaction was one of horror, as it’s just a short paranoid hop from manipulating pigeons to manipulating humans, interlaced with the sort of fascination a car crash provokes. Then it just turned into, wtf? And why? Too bad I tossed the movies when the paper got rejected.

Here's the article from Reuter's. It appears they had the same reaction as I did.

Lily Allen

Almost forgot. Wanted to write a bit about seeing Lily Allen on Friday-it was pretty cool. Got there a bit late because I was having dinner with a friend and a friend of a friend, but got to see most of the set from the upstairs balcony. 9:30 Club was packed. I've never seen it so jammed, with the possible exception of Sleater-Kinney's show there last August. The music was great and the samples translated really well into live music. She had a horn section, a fantastic drummer, a guitarist and bassist. Plus a synthesizer thingy that she kept banging on during random moments. It was all really fun, no angst and everyone just bopping along. Lily didn't do too much stage chatter-mostly it was just a bit about the next song and she'd just start into it. Exception was the slapdown for the ATL posse, who apparently ended several states out of their way yet didn't seem to know it. Lily politely corrected them with, "We're in DC, muthafuckas!" Was pretty funny. She didn't seem that drunk but she was drinking and smoking (!) on stage and giggling in a really cute way. You could tell that most of the crowd, if they didn't have one already, was walking out with a crush on her. Not gonna lie, I would not mind being Lily Allen for a while. Singing songs about done-me-wrong exes! Reprimanding your lil' bro in front of thousands! Skipping about in dresses and sneakers to the reggae beat of your own Specials-influenced songs! Touring the world and giggling adorably! Blowing smoke in the face of newly enacted DC smoking ban! I am only slightly envious.

Holiday Fallout

Crap day today. The day after a holiday always is, because you've had that extra taste of freedom and now it's that much harder to go back to the old 9 to 5. Work complete fiasco as it seemed all the authors needed a status update on their manuscript and they needed it NOW or at least YESTERDAY. And they're all for an editor who's been a bit slow with sorting through their assigned manuscripts. Which means I have to be the moderator of Author-Editor Relations, a role I heartily dislike because it means having to feed them a bit of knowledge to keep ravenous authors satisfied while withholding any real information from them, because an author with knowledge of what is really causing the holdup on their manuscript is a dangerous author indeed, liable to call me up and shout angrily about Competition and Significance, or worse yet, ask to speak to an editor. Editors are like priceless treasures behind glass-they are there to see and to judge, but not to touch or have contact with. This includes email.

Anyway, for the concerned, I am feeling better now. More and more it appears that New Year's was the absolute bottom and now I am finally going up.

BIRD FLU - M.I.A.

The newest Asian epidemic to sweep the nation. This time it's dance-related, and I'm rooting for M.I.A.'s captain hat and the little kid in the red shirt. He can lay it DOWN!

Upstairs

The boys who live upstairs have some of the most annoying habits I've ever witnessed. It's like living with a spoiled younger brother who always gets his own way, except you can't ever exercise the familial privilege of shouting at him and locking him in his room. The boys upstairs are very fond of believing they are singer-songwriters. Unfortunately their version of singer-songwriter involves too many late '90s covers and a completely stupid amount of foot stomping. I should add that the foot stomping rarely, if ever goes with any actual rhthym, making it hard to tell whether it is actually foot-stompingly good sex, poor dance coordination, or some weird combination that I don't want to think too hard about. And this shit goes on at all hours. It appears that when the Muse tells you to play a Clap Your Hands Say Yeah cover (they're quite fond of "Upon this Tidal Wave of Young Blood") at 3 am, well, you just GOTTA play that shit.